I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
