she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
