Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
