whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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