I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
