paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
