Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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