clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
