is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
