Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
