Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
