thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i love accidental penises.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
