need another drink. this is the easiest way
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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