I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
