He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
