Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
