My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize