i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
