Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want nice things and good sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
