I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize