as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
