i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
