Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
