I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
