I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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