Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
