You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
