Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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