forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The ass gains better be worth it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
