Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
