eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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