i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she looked like the before picture.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
