Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
