Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
