Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
