Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
