did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
