Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I know her cup size but not her name....
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