I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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