she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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