If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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