I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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