so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
