Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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