He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
