Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
