When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
