I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just cropdusted the office
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
