Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
