apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
