I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
