My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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