and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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