I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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