before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
