guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
