i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
