bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
