Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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