We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
