I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
