I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
