I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
