So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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