Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
