Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
