I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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