i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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