It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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