dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
