I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
