My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
